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It is often difficult to learn how to manage money with another person, particularly if you’re young, just getting started, have never talked about these issues before, or are used to handling things yourself. Following is some information and suggestions to help you get started on the right path together.
Factors that affect our money management:
- Family issues
- Health
- Ages
- Career paths
- Family dynamics
- History
- Social Styles
Most of the above factors are self-explanatory, but let’s look more closely at Social Styles. Social Styles, or the tendencies individuals exhibit in their attitudes about and management of money, is one of the most important areas to consider when managing money together. How you think about and talk about money may be very different than the other person. Following is basic information about the four Social Styles:
- ANALYTIC: Wants protection from a loss of security; reads all instructions, the entire prospectus, etc.; asks lots of questions; tries to prove his/her worth by proving to be very careful. The analytic may say: “I am in control. I double check every figure. You can count on me because I have investigated every angle.” Words that describe an analytic: logical, detail-oriented, persistent, systematic, fussy, organized, scheduled, accurate.
- DRIVER: Wants protection from being perceived as incompetent or unsuccessful; makes decisions quickly, rarely based on empirical evidence; tries to prove his/her worth by appearing decisive and in control. The driver may say: “I am competent. Because of this simple fact you should trust my decision to be good because I will not let this get out of hand.” Words that describe a driver: persuasive, confident, strong-willed, risk-taker, forceful, outspoken, bold, leader.
- EXPRESSIVE: Wants protection against a loss of respect; maintains appearances; not motivated by money; tries to prove his/her worth by appearing cavalier. The expressive may say: “I am worthy. I am doing everything that a person like me is supposed to do. You should trust me because I look and sound like an expert.” Words that describe an expressive: sociable, restless, enthusiastic, forgetful, optimistic, lively, convincing, lenient.
- AMIABLE: Wants protection from a loss of affection; avoids creating waves; tries to prove his/her worth by appearing to be compliant. The amiable may say: “Whatever you want. I don’t care.” Or “I am very generous. Because of this reason I must defer to your judgment and besides, you make better decisions than I do.” Words that describe an amiable: loyal, dependable, agreeable, compromising, follower, supportive, gentle, considerate.
Remember that most people are a combination and operate somewhere in the middle of these four styles. Many people migrate from one to another depending on the situation, also. As in most cases, excess in any one area may indicate a problem. Click on the link to the Social Styles Behavior Profile to discover your tendencies.
Here are some steps you can take as you begin managing money together:
- Discuss your attitudes and perspectives about money
- Share your personal and family history regarding money and your expectations
- Determine together your overall “philosophy” about money (identify priorities and goals)
- Discuss individual financial details (debt and other obligations, etc.)
- Develop a plan for spending (when will cash, check, or credit card be used, etc.)
- Determine who will be responsible for various financial tasks (click here for a Financial Responsibilities checklist)
Once you’ve discussed these issues, you’re ready for the nitty gritty! See the Budgeting topic and the rest of the personal financial planning worksheets for more information!
Find out about financial workshops conducted by the Education and Outreach Division of Concordia Plan Services.
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